Hope in a prison of despair…

Finding a place to recover after a lifetime of brokenness and prison,
Ed finally meets the God who redeems.

Overcoming a lifetime of brokenness takes time. That’s why Wayside Cross Ministries’ free Bible-based, Christ-centered recovery programs provide a four-phase pathway for rebuilding your life. It’s a program built over 95 years, helping countless people like Ed. Thankfully, he discovered that no matter how old you are, you are never too old to give up hope.

When tragedy strikes, most of us are never really prepared. Neither was Ed. Here’s his story in his own words:

I come from a large family. But my dad died when I was 16. A few years later, my mom died too, and I wound up raising the last five kids on my own. In many ways I was still a kid myself. Not quite out of my twenties yet, but I was the right guy for the job because I was the only one in a sound enough spot to do it….

…I was working.

Next thing I knew, everyone else was busy being a teenager, and I was working every odd job that came down the pike to make ends meet. One day, I wake up and I’m 30 years old, but the other kids are raised. So, now I was finally on my own.

That’s when I lost control.

After that, I pretty much went off the rails. Just mean and nasty. I had a drinking problem, a dope problem, and a pornography problem. Unfortunately, I had it all. It was just like I had become this totally bad person. So, I guess you could say, I just pretty much ruined my life.

For years, I struggled with addiction off and on. Homelessness too.

The total freedom.

Then I’d get another job.

But eventually I’d do it all over again.

For most of my life, I worked in the construction field, which meant I went from place to place, and job to job. I had all kinds of money and nothing to do with it.

So, it was easy to get the drugs, easy to get the beer, you know. What really led me into homelessness were all the stupid mistakes I’d make and nobody would trust me. That really did it. On several different occasions!

But eventually, I’d just straighten up, find a new job, and then I wouldn’t be homeless. Because when I worked, I worked hard and that really reflects on your employability. People would see that.

Meaningless, meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
    I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
    and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
    and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
    nothing was gained under the sun.

~  Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

I was a journeyman laborer by trade, which meant I just picked up and built scaffolding and got things ready for the real guys. You know, the ones with skills.

But the real turning point when I finally realized I needed help happened when I found myself in prison.

I had just spent my 50th birthday there.

Well, it finally just dawned on me here I am, on my 50th birthday, and I’m in prison. I pretty much wasted my entire life away

I wake up and I’m 30 years old, but the other kids are raised. So, now I was finally on my own.

“I knew I needed it, like nothing else I ever needed before…”

But the thing that got me was, every day we’d go out to the yard and we get an hour a day to exercise. There was this little, skinny black guy who was always going the other way with a big smile on his face.

And I thought, “What’s his deal?” So, one day I followed him.

Well, he was just going to church!

It went on and on like that and I’d follow him back. But then, something got hold of me. Every day it went on and on like that and we became friends till the day he got out. But I still kept going to church on my own. I knew I needed it, like nothing else I ever needed before….

Until finally, it had come time for me to get out of prison.

Then someone said, “Well, where do you want to go?” I knew my friend came to Wayside, so I said, “I want to go there too. Maybe they can fix me.”

“My biggest challenge before coming to Wayside
was simply realizing that I needed help.”

Because the way I was raised, mostly on my own, I came from this place where you don’t need nothing from nobody. I could handle this, because I can handle anything. And, that’s another thing I found out in prison…

I couldn’t.

It was really difficult to come to terms with. Especially since I was thrown into so much responsibility at a young age.

You do it…

…that’s just what needs to be done, so do it!

And I was good with it at the time when I needed to be the parent.

But not so much later, because it caused me to do so many things I told my younger siblings not to do! But I went ahead and did them myself. Whenever I got a little freedom and independence, I’d just dig another hole for myself. 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” ~ Psalm 32:8

Coming to Wayside Cross Ministries, that all changed. Yeah, I still remember it like it was yesterday. The first couple of days I got here, I said to myself; “Seven days and I’ll be out that door.”

Hahaha….

That was seven years ago!

It was just like when I was going to church back in prison; this place got ahold of me too. But I discovered something more. I was useful, and I was usable. God had something in mind for me, and this time I was ready.

When I first came to Wayside, they found out I had housekeeping skills because I’d done that in prison. I guess that goes back even further, from the time I was back home raising my brothers and sisters. A week after I got here, they found out I was pretty good at it. So, I’ve been in housekeeping ever since.

“For me, it’s just like serving Christ.”

This is His house. That’s how I look at it. And these are His people. So I’m going to serve Him the best I can. It seems like it was only yesterday….

But it’s been two years since I graduated. That’s when Wayside Cross Ministries offered me a full-time position and they made me their housekeeping coordinator. I oversee the facilities at the main campus and have several guys reporting to me.

There are plenty of other jobs I was offered because of my previous skills. But this place is more than I need, more than I deserve. Because really, I found something here…that God can still use me.

That’s worth it.

I like to keep this place spotless.

After what this place gave to me, it’s the least I can do.

But today, the way I look at it now, being a part of a faith-based recovery program…that book turned my life around 180 degrees. I guess it’s like a new kind of addiction, because I need it every day.

“There were two main things I’d done pretty
well before coming to Jesus.
Fighting and drinking.
And I was very good at both of them.”

It wasn’t too long ago that I didn’t care about anything or about anyone. I mean, there were two main things I’d done pretty well before coming to Jesus. Fighting and drinking. And I was very good at both of them. But like I say, winding up in prison, well, that’ll really give you time to sit back and think about stuff.

Where would I be if I hadn’t come here?

Dead.

It’s that simple, dead.

But coming here, and my life today…

…well, it’s all God’s doing; it’s not mine. Before coming to this place, I was a real nasty person.

Now, after coming to Wayside, I’m, I’m a decent person, ‘cause I like what I do. I like helping people, and you know, I care now. And I can still remember when I didn’t used to be that way.

“I like what I’m doing and I like
helping people out.”

Some of these guys, all they need is a friendly face, a friendly hand, someone to talk with. I can do that.

Today, the most meaningful relationships I have now are the ones that I developed here. They help support me in my growth and healing through Wayside. But the most meaningful relation I have now? That’s easy…my church.

The guys here in recovery, they’re only here for a short time–seven months. Some are here for a few years more. So many times, you really can’t connect in that way.

Oh, there’s a few of them who keep in touch.

But my deepest relationships come from the church I now attend, which Wayside helped introduce me to.

Most of the guys here in recovery, I’m just trying to help them get through the program. Get on a biblical track, you know. I’m just one of the graduate staff that likes to start them out, you know, ‘cause I’ve been where they’ve been. Then we let the guys that know what they’re doing take over on teaching, training, counseling, and life planning.

I’m just getting them started.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11

The biggest struggle Wayside helped me overcome was belief in myself. I think a lot of guys coming in here deal with that.

See before, I didn’t really care ‘cause I didn’t think I would ever amount to anything. Therefore, I didn’t care about anything or anybody. But Wayside taught me that everybody has some worth. Everybody is valuable in God’s eyes, and that includes someone in need. It just takes a while for the rest of the world to catch up.

“You gotta be patient,
strong in the Lord, and deeply
committed to your recovery.”

That’s a good lesson to learn.

Today, I take pride in myself now and in what God is doing in my life. I’m happy doing what I’m doing ‘cause, like I say, I can go anywhere and work a job that pays more money than this, but I don’t get the pride that I get from working here and in helping other people out. I scrub toilets and I’m happy to do it!

That’s just my idea of putting a little something back for what I’ve received.

My plans for the future?

Let’s say I’m 63 years old. I live completely on my own now. So, I’ll continue to work here a few more years and then probably retire. I’m just planning on staying here as long as I can. As long as God can use me and I can still help this ministry out. When it comes time for me to go, I’ll go. God will let me know. But you know, I’ll always be around if they need me.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11

One of the most memorable moments of my time here as a graduate staff member was just a few years back. You see, part of my job also includes overseeing volunteers who come here from time to time to help out in the ministry. I was working with a youth group and their parents from Katy, Texas, and I’ll never forget it.

This was right after Covid; they were really the first group to come when the state finally allowed volunteers back into the building. Some of them ended up on my team for several days. So I had 20 kids and parents on my team alone.

During our time together somehow they found out it was my birthday.

 So, a couple kids and their parents brought out a surprise cupcake with a candle during lunch and sang “Happy Birthday” to me in front of the whole group. There were about 120 people along with residents in recovery at the time.

I just broke down and cried!

What they didn’t realize was in 63 years, no one ever sang “Happy Birthday” to me or celebrated my birthday.

That was the first time

“Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe.” ~ Psalms 107:2

It’s moments like these that I know God is watching out for me. He finds different ways to feed my soul and show me I’m still valuable. Even at my age! I would never have found that in a typical job. That’s God looking out for me, every day.

The biggest thing I am thankful to Wayside for is my biblical education and sobriety. They showed me the way to see God at work in my life. Before going to prison and during the entire time I was in there, I never thought I was redeemable. 

Wayside taught me otherwise.

It’s this saving knowledge that Christ paid all my debts, past, present, and future. He redeemed me, restored me, and set me on a new path. Because He had a plan for my life even when I thought I was at the end of it. Now I can see that.

I hope people will come to understand that and support more places like this or come here if they need help because it really works. This program will turn a person’s life around. Wayside will give them a better outlook in life. It will give them a reason to continue living….

That’s really what it did for me.

Today, Ed lives a completely independent life and continues to work at Wayside Cross Ministries mentoring and encouraging new residents in our recovery programs. Please keep him in your prayers.